Today’s bang of the week isn’t really someone I’d like to bang. Actually, I probably wouldn’t even be able to get it up if I were given the opportunity. The reason that she is my subject is because (except for her big, hook-like beak) I think she is drop-dead gorgeous. Honestly, I have never seen somebody smile as much as she does. It is both nice and annoying at the same time.



Her name is Giada De Laurentis (sp.?) (an Italian-American with a last name that doesn’t end in a vowel) and she is a host on the Food Network. I’m absolutely nuts about that channel because they produce the show, “Iron Chef”. I don’t know why I find that show fascinating, but I do. I also like “Top Chef”, which is on Bravo. “Top Chef” is a culinary version of “Survivor”. Whenever I watch those shows, I get to see all these cool, amazing delights that I would love to eat but could never afford. I watch them and afterward I console myself with bland, high-protein, low-calorie chicken sandwich, spinach salad with “Paul Newman’s Caesar Salad Dressing”, rice or corn Chex, or a blueberry bagel. Or a combination of these concoctions. It sucks to be me.



Most of you have probably already heard of this inane website called “hotornot.com”. On it, you post a picture of yourself to get rated by users of the site who rate you between 1 and 10 (10 being the highest rating and 1 being the lowest rating). So far, after 35 votes, I’ve got a 7.1 rating and dropping. Draw your own conclusions. It is pretty retarded and shallow but mildly addictive at the same time.



I find it interesting because the best looking guys and girls are found in the gay sections, while the ugliest and fattest ones are found in the straight sections. I have no idea as to why this is. There are other commonalities too: the vast majority of users are dumb as fuck, superficial, and are Greeks (i.e. in frats or sororities). Under the self-description section, they invariably like “fast cars” or “souped up cars”, “big trucks”, “Abercrombie and Fitch”, “drinking”, “420”, and, more than anything, “sex” (not that that particular keyword is such a bad thing). You also have the option of communicating with people who want to meet you but you have to cough up money to do so. If you have the balls to put yourself up on the site, knock yourself out.