These are interesting times in Latin America. Populist movements are gaining an iron grip in South America and are slowly creeping their way up north. It’s something that the aging cold warriors like to call the “Domino Effect” in their “back yard”. Except now they can’t play the “communist” card, much less anything else. More about this later.

For the past 500 years, Latin America has been at the mercy of various European, then U.S. (notice I say “U.S.”, not “America” because, afterall, what is “America”? “North America”? “South America”? “Central America”? “Latin America”?) colonists. The cold war was a particularly brutal time. Amazingly, in spite of such adversities, populism kept regenerating itself. Such is the human condition.

Augusto Pinochet and his cohorts of Chile

Humberto de Alencar Castelo Branco of Brazil

Joaquin Balague of the Dominican Republic

As you can see, I have included some pictures of various brutal, later-20th century Latin American rightist dictators who were installed in their respective countries via CIA-backed military Coup d'états. They are real lookers, aren’t they?

Needless to say, these unsavory characters had a job to do and they did it efficiently and ruthlessly. Namely, they would silence the free press, conduct various “disappearances”, dissolve the existing democratic apparatus and create a farcical “two-party system” not unlike the one in the U.S. In addition, they would create a relatively small, complacent, primarily white, Spanish-descended, middle and upper-class hierarchy in order to perpetuate this situation. Afterall, if everybody was poor, how would they be able to prop up their neo-liberal system? At the end of the day, this token class would be subservient to the white upper-class in the U.S. Trickle-up economics. Throughout history, Latin America looked a lot like what Europe would have looked like if Hitler had won.

Now! Because the U.S. has both hands tied behind their balls due to their escapades in the middle-east, they haven’t been able to continue their escapades in Latin America. This is extraordinary because South America was only briefly independent and united for one time in its post-colonial history, thanks in part to visionary military leader Simón Bolívar. Unfortunately, due to greed, short-sightedness, and ego, this fledgling movement towards independence and self-sufficiency was smashed to smithereens. Interestingly, this is exactly what would have happened to the U.S. if our "founding fathers" had not been able to come to an agreement and establish the U.S. Constitution. Even more interestingly, if the U.S. Constitution were not established and if Simón Bolívar had realized his dream, North America might look like Latin America today and vice versa. Makes you think, huh?

Simon Bolivar

Anyway, a new round of populist governments are sprouting up. Some are more potent than others. The most extreme case would be in Venezuela and the least extreme would be in Chile. Various other neo-liberal governments in Latin America are on their last legs (i.e. Mexico and Peru) and have only been able to get elected through outright fraud. I don’t expect them to last -- nor should they.

It’s not to say that these populist movements are perfect. Actually, quite the opposite:

Daniel Ortega

Daniel Ortega, the recently re-elected leader of the Sandinistas in Nicaragua and a long-time Washington foe, has become hopelessly corrupt and is only a shadow of his former self. Being constantly treated like a messiah while also being in power too long breeds this kind of character deterioration.

Hugo Chavez

Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is a total demagogic, narcissistic diva and this has gotten in the way of his better judgment, in part allowing corruption to reign supreme. He is without a doubt the most controversial current Latin American leader. On his weekly national television show, "Aló Presidente", he has called George Bush a "donkey", "Hitler", "The Devil", a "pendejo", a "drunkard", and "Mr. Danger", among other things. He fancies himself as being a modern-day Simón Bolívar. Strangely enough (thanks to all the oil that Venezuela possesses), he isn’t far off. I guess that you could say that he is similar to Huey Long of Louisiana during the U.S. depression. The only difference is that Chavez miraculously entered the highest echelon of power -- something Long couldn't achieve.

Ugly Nestor Kirchner and his smoking hot wife who I'd definitely bang, Christina

Nestor Kirchner of Argentina is still beholden to the same two-party system that has existed since the end of the Argentinean military dictatorship in 1983, thus, he is unable to establish a truly independent populist movement. What's more, if a strong, independent populist movement does develop in Argentina, he will likely co-opt it. He is kind of like Franklin Roosevelt in that he is saving capitalism from itself.

Lula Da Silva

Michelle Bachelet

Lula Da Silva in Brazil is wielding power (if you can call it that) over an enormous, ungainly system fraught with corruption and rightist legacies. The same can be said about Michelle Bachelet of Chile.

Evo Morales

Evo Morales of Bolivia is only getting started and it is not entirely clear how things will play out. So far, so good. I will say this, though: If he doesn't pay heed to the people of the poorest country in South America, his head will be placed on a pike by an angry mob of Aymaran and Quechan Indians. Anyway, to his credit, he seems like a humble guy which is necessary to keep his ego in check.

Rafael Correa

The young, dapper, blue-eyed, and handsome Rafael Correa of Ecuador was just elected and so I don’t know how things will play out with him, either. He could easily become another Chavez.

In truth, most of these movements are what I like to call “fascist populism”: So much of the impoverished public supports these leaders within a democratic system that such leaders have become de facto dictatorships -- an ironic twist between the antithesis and carbon copy of the brutal rightist Latin American regimes of the past. It’s a classic case of the chickens coming home to roost.

P.S. Here are some recent fallen populist heros who weren't able to escape Uncle Sam's sticky fingers.

Ollanta Humala of Peru

Twice-overthrown Jean-Bertrand Aristide of Haiti (a tragedy of epic proportions)