I have a hard-on right now and I have no idea why ... just kidding. Actually, I’m quite flaccid right now. By the way, why do guys get erections in their sleep? Maybe it has something to do with laying down. Anyway, I think that when this situation happens, the significant other of the sleeping guy with the hard-on should climb on top of their man while he’s still sleeping and give them a nice midnight treat.



I think one of the annoying things about today’s bang of the week (Karen Price, 38” - 26” - 27”) are her extremely noticeable tan lines. Big minus. Plus she has big eyebrows which is an even bigger minus. The Playboy issue with her centerfold is famous for having one of the last interviews with John Lennon. It came out about the time of his murder. After she became a Playmate, Karen started acting, but soon switched to performing stunts for over two dozen movies including Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), and The Golden Child (1986). I remember seeing The Golden Child when it came out in theaters and this fact makes me feel quite old.



After a hiatus, she began a new career as an associate producer of television programs such as Amazing Vacation Homes (2004) and Amazing Babies (2005). I’m proud to say that I have never watched nor even heard of either of these shows.



I was up one night recently just watching one of those infomercials touting the virtues of disco music. And, if the viewer is a disco music lover, they could go out and immediately buy the 120-song, 8 disc CD set for the new low price of $99.99. It was one of those commercials that are played on an endless loop while giving samples of various songs that you could be buying. If you know me, you know that I absolutely ADORE disco music. I was born in the wrong fucking decade ... Actually, I was born in 1979, but you know what I mean.





So I was pretty happy just watching this commercial over and over again. Then they played a clip of that song “The Hustle”, which, interestingly enough (though perhaps not surprisingly), was written in about ten minutes by some hotshot music producer named Van McCoy -- a man who made a KILLING because that song shot up to the top of the Billboard music chart like a flaming juggernaut. It was a phenomenon, actually. It even won a Grammy. Sadly, McCoy died at the tender, young age of 39 -- only four years after the song was written.



The commercial showed this guy McCoy playing the The Hustle with his band while a group of four decked-out, platform-shoes-and-bell-bottoms-wearing couples danced “The Hustle” -- the dance craze at the time that inspired that very song. I’m actually quite envious of those dancers because I wish I could dance like them.



Anyway, though I love that song with a passion, I would be damned before I shell out all that money just to listen to that one song. So I went to iTunes and got it for 99 cents. Ha! Tricked all those greedy corporate fucks yet again! I’m such a cad.



So once I downloaded The Hustle I did what just about everybody does when they buy their music: I listened to it. Extremely loudly. At 1:00 a.m. Of course, being that I am an inconsiderate prick, it didn’t dawn on me that other people in my apartment complex might be sleeping. I did realize this when all of a sudden I heard an extremely loud, prolonged knock on my door. Doh! I had to open the door and check the damage.



It was kind of funny, actually, because when I opened the door I saw this little, disheveled, worm of a man with a shock of mussed-up grey hair standing there in his ridiculous boxer shorts. He looks at me and slurs, “CAN YOU TURN YOUR STEREO DOWN!?” Uh, yeah sure, little man. And then I proceeded to do just that.