I have a hard-on right now and I have no idea why ... just kidding. Actually, I’m quite flaccid right now. By the way, why do guys get erections in their sleep? Maybe it has something to do with laying down. Anyway, I think that when this situation happens, the significant other of the sleeping guy with the hard-on should climb on top of their man while he’s still sleeping and give them a nice midnight treat.



I think one of the annoying things about today’s bang of the week (Karen Price, 38” - 26” - 27”) are her extremely noticeable tan lines. Big minus. Plus she has big eyebrows which is an even bigger minus. The Playboy issue with her centerfold is famous for having one of the last interviews with John Lennon. It came out about the time of his murder. After she became a Playmate, Karen started acting, but soon switched to performing stunts for over two dozen movies including Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985), and The Golden Child (1986). I remember seeing The Golden Child when it came out in theaters and this fact makes me feel quite old.



After a hiatus, she began a new career as an associate producer of television programs such as Amazing Vacation Homes (2004) and Amazing Babies (2005). I’m proud to say that I have never watched nor even heard of either of these shows.



I was up one night recently just watching one of those infomercials touting the virtues of disco music. And, if the viewer is a disco music lover, they could go out and immediately buy the 120-song, 8 disc CD set for the new low price of $99.99. It was one of those commercials that are played on an endless loop while giving samples of various songs that you could be buying. If you know me, you know that I absolutely ADORE disco music. I was born in the wrong fucking decade ... Actually, I was born in 1979, but you know what I mean.





So I was pretty happy just watching this commercial over and over again. Then they played a clip of that song “The Hustle”, which, interestingly enough (though perhaps not surprisingly), was written in about ten minutes by some hotshot music producer named Van McCoy -- a man who made a KILLING because that song shot up to the top of the Billboard music chart like a flaming juggernaut. It was a phenomenon, actually. It even won a Grammy. Sadly, McCoy died at the tender, young age of 39 -- only four years after the song was written.



The commercial showed this guy McCoy playing the The Hustle with his band while a group of four decked-out, platform-shoes-and-bell-bottoms-wearing couples danced “The Hustle” -- the dance craze at the time that inspired that very song. I’m actually quite envious of those dancers because I wish I could dance like them.



Anyway, though I love that song with a passion, I would be damned before I shell out all that money just to listen to that one song. So I went to iTunes and got it for 99 cents. Ha! Tricked all those greedy corporate fucks yet again! I’m such a cad.



So once I downloaded The Hustle I did what just about everybody does when they buy their music: I listened to it. Extremely loudly. At 1:00 a.m. Of course, being that I am an inconsiderate prick, it didn’t dawn on me that other people in my apartment complex might be sleeping. I did realize this when all of a sudden I heard an extremely loud, prolonged knock on my door. Doh! I had to open the door and check the damage.



It was kind of funny, actually, because when I opened the door I saw this little, disheveled, worm of a man with a shock of mussed-up grey hair standing there in his ridiculous boxer shorts. He looks at me and slurs, “CAN YOU TURN YOUR STEREO DOWN!?” Uh, yeah sure, little man. And then I proceeded to do just that.

Melinda Windsor (38" - 23" - 36"), Playboy Playmate circ. 1966, was a model that revealed very little about herself. In fact, her name is a pseudonym. So, what little info there is about her could be fabricated. Assuming it is true, she was was a student at UCLA by night and a insurance rater (whatever that is) by day. She used the money she earned from her spread to continue her studies and eventually get her Ph.D and become a teacher. A smart girl is always nice in my book. Needless to say, I would definitely have been willing to enter her. She looks almost too young to pose nude. She could easily pass for 18 or 19, which is practically jailbait.






I had a pretty frustrating experience with my toilet recently. I suddenly realized that it was clogged and I didn’t have a plunger yet. So I was busy jamming my
toilet scrubber up there to see if that would be a decent substitute. I really jammed that sucker down there, too. It was kind of like sticking a finger down the throat of a bolemic toilet.





Needless to say, that plan didn't work too well. If anything, it only made things worse. So I tepidly (not completely, mind you) flush the toilet a few times for good measure to see if that might solve the problem. It didn't, of course. It only filled the toilet to the brim. All bets were off. I was forced to get a plunger -- and soon. I mean, who knows when I'll have to do a #2. I wanted to strangle the little son-of-a-bitch.





Instead, I decided to drive over to my parents place to steal their plunger. No dice. It was around 12:00 a.m. and I didn't know where they keep it. Apparently, they don't put it in the bathroom like normal people. I also wake my dad up in the process and he shouts at me from his bed. So I left and decided to buy one at Safeway. But this meant that I had to go back home and get my wallet. Thank god for Safeway because they are open 24 hours per day. I was surprised to learn that plungers are cheap as hell -- $2.15. Not bad at all.





I finally get home and I'm thinking to myself if the plunger doesn't work, I'm going to take a sledgehammer and start World War 9 right in my bathroom. But it does work. So I was ready to go to sleep. But -- since I have obsessive-compulsive-disorder -- I first had to thoroughly wash both the plunger and the toilet scrubber.

I’d like to give a shout out to commentor, whiteman, for providing me with a list of busty playmates. It makes my life easier because then I don’t have to scour the net for busty women. It is a sort of Cliff’s Notes.





Today’s bang of the week is Marilyn Lange. A couple of interesting things about Marilyn: she was playmate of the year circ. 1975 (a well-deserved honor, I might add), her measurements are 39DDD-24-36, she played soccer and, as a publicity stunt, was picked by the the Chicago Sting in 1976 in the final round of the North American Soccer League draft, and, like me, has Finnish heritage. Based on some other facts about her (which I won’t delve into), she seems like she was a pretty intelligent and friendly person. And that is all I have to say about that.





Anyway, I had a job interview today and I was hired. It was a total walk in the park for me. I’m surprised at how smoothly it went. A few years ago I applied to tons of different places and was constantly turned down. I was particularly keen to get hired at Starbucks. I probably was interviewed at least 8 different times and each time it went down in flames. I was pretty depressed at that point in my life and that might have been a part of the reason that I wasn’t hired. You can’t really hide those types of things. I generally wear my heart on my sleeve. But I had an edge this time around because I’m currently feeling pretty healthy mentally and I’m insanely crazy about movies (I applied to Blockbuster Video) and these are pretty much the only prerequisites. The only minus is that the benefits aren’t nearly as good as I thought they would be. I’m looking at around $8 per hour, which is peanuts if you live in the area that I live in. But, as I said earlier, I mainly just want to work for the sake of working. Morbid self-devotion and school are not a good mixture.

I saw the lamest T.V. show in the world the other day. It’s called “Yo Mama” and it is hosted by Wilmer Valderama -- a guy whose sole claim to fame is that he fucks. I mean, really, it seems like people don’t have to do much to be famous nowadays. Paris Hilton, Nicki Hilton, Nicole Richie, Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, Kevin Federline, Lindsey Blohan, etc., etc. It seems like a lot of celebrities are famous just because they are famous. And then I saw this other lame show called “Laguna Beach”. I hate to admit it but sometimes I have this seething contempt for humanity. It probably has something to do with my depressive personality. I sometimes just wish people could step outside of themselves and realize that there is an election in November or that nuclear Armageddon and/or environmental apocalypse is at our doorstep and that we need to do something about it now. I feel bad about this aspect about myself and I try to keep it under wraps but sometimes I can’t help it. I’m probably just sexually-repressed and just need to get laid.





I plan on taking a dance class next semester so I can dance with some hot chicks that I can potentially bang. However, I have to admit: I can’t dance to save my life. But I don’t care. If I have to fucking tap dance my way to gain access to vagina, so be it. There is a hip-hop dance class. That sounds kind of interesting. It is kind of unfortunate though: I go to a school that has tons of Asians, thus there aren’t as many busty girls as there should be.

Patricia Farinelli (36DD”, 25, 36) is a Playboy Playmate circa. 1981, whose curves are so exaggerated that it almost reaches the point of caricature. And I love every bit of it. She was a devout Catholic who eventually became a born-again Christian and was romantically involved with Burt Reynolds, Tony Danza, David Cassidy, and L.A. Lakers owner Jerry Buss. In other words, she’s a jesus-freak ho.



She was in a movie called “Wholly Moses” in 1980. Oh right -- Wholly Moses! That was really huge. According to IMBd, the movie’s tagline is: “The story of Herschel. He wanted to be Moses...but he didn't have the right connections. “ It starred Dudley Moore, Dom Deluise (is that guy still a celebrity? is he even alive?), John Houseman(?!!), Richard Pryor as a pharaoh, John Ritter as Satan, and Madeline Kahn. Sheesh! Do these people have no self-respect? Patricia appropriately played an “orgy guest”.



Anyway, my sister (who you all know is gay and lives in the Castro) went to see a gay-male band called “Scissor Sisters”. One of the reasons that this band is so popular amongst the gay community is due to the fact that the lead singer is a total diva who dresses in scandalously tight pants and shirts. And I guess you could consider him pretty good-looking. Though they are an American band, they aren’t much of a draw in America -- perhaps because of homophobia. They are extremely popular in Europe, though. They are a cross between Euro-pop and disco -- a mix I actually dig. Needless to say, I’m not a connoisseur when it comes to music.



Anyway, I didn’t think much of what she had to say about the group at the time because that sort of thing doesn't really interest me. Besides, I don’t really listen to music. However, due to serendipity (look it up, you lazy illiterates!) I was up early one morning (4:00 a.m.ish) due to my irregular sleeping schedule. The cool thing about that, however, is that that is when they actually play music videos on MTV and VH1. And (on some occasions) good music too, unlike all that garbage like Beyonce (who has made a career out of doing her damnedest to look white) and professional plagiarist, Puff Daddy. Is it just me or does it seem like MTV has been taken over by sorority girls and frat boys. I have absolutely no patience for scum like them.



So lo and behold, I started watching this video of a band whose music I actually enjoyed. It was a very unusual video. It kind of reminded me of that old Peter Gabriel music video, “Sledgehammer”. You know the one. Sure enough, it was the Scissor Sisters. Good times.



I was quite nonplussed to realize that “Scissor Sisters” is actually a sexual position for dykes. Lookee here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribadism. Therefore, it doesn’t seem like the right name for a gay-male band. Anyway, I’m always interested in hearing lingo from various subcultures -- especially considering the fact that I come from a demographic that is totally out of the loop (i.e. later-twenties, hermetic, white, upper-middle class, straight).

Clocking in at approximately an E-cup, Sophie Howard (the topless one) is definitely smaller than I would prefer, but I am still willing to bang her nonetheless. I’m sure that you all are wondering who the better-endowed one is. She’s Lucy Pinder, who I profiled in my first post on this blog. Unfortunately, I erased that post because I was having trouble uploading pictures. I won’t dwell on Pinder other than to say that she won’t pose topless. She sticks to her guns in that respect. I wish she would stick to my gun.



Back to Sophie. I like these pictures of Sophie because they are impromptu. Most of the pictures I found of her are too glammed up. I don’t go for that sort of thing. By the way, these pictures are also kind of a misnomer. Lesbian action isn’t my bag. But I’m sure a lot of you perverts out there are into that, which is why I included it. Sophie has three tatooed stars of varying size along her back, is a vegetarian, and likes rock music -- particularly metal. By the way, I hate tatoos -- especially when they are on a girl’s back. It is a distraction when I’m doing her doggy-style. This reminds me: I like doing girls doggy-style because it allows us both the opportunity to watch T.V.



My life has been pretty uneventful as of late. Currently I’m looking for work -- preferably at a video store (I’ve applied to Blockbuster and Hollywood Video). By the way, do you know what’s totally cool? You can fill out a job application online if you are applying for a dinky little job like the one that I’m applying for. And, even better, when I fill out one, half-a-dozen electronic copies automatically get sent out to other stores in the area. It’s so fucking easy I can’t believe it. It took me 20 minutes tops! I even got to stay at home and watch “Survivor”.



Anyway, I hear that the pay is pretty good. To be honest I don’t really care so much about that (though it would be nice). Mainly, I just want to work for the sake of working. It’s important to keep busy and simply attending school just isn’t cutting it for me. I think that a video store would be ideal because I’m a total movie fiend. I’ve seen thousands of movies during my short life and I intend to see thousands more before all is said and done.



I worked at a video store back in 1998. A gay coworker was trying to get me to sleep with him. I have no idea why. At that time I was on a little anti-depressant known as Effexor. A notorious side-effect of Effexor is that those who take it gain copious amounts of weight. I was no exception. I gained something like 65 pounds while I was on it. Once I was off it, the poundage simply melted off. Unfortunately, I wasn’t left unscatched, as I gained a few stretch marks (though they aren’t really noticeable at this point). The strangest thing was that even though I gained all that weight and had to get a new wardrobe, I was in total denial about it. I never even thought that I was overweight. I just noticed that I sweated like crazy (even in air-conditioned rooms). The full extent of it never hit me until I saw some old pictures of myself. I was shocked. I looked like a totally different person.

Another strange thing about my life is that about two years later, I became manorexic. I worked out like crazy and ate sparingly. I was this gaunt thing with clothes just hanging off of me. And, like with my weight gain situation, it didn’t really hit me until I saw pictures of myself after the fact.

I’ll admit that gravure model, Rio Natsume, is a butterface. Even though she has no chin, her lips are too big and puffy, and her smile is a minus, she’s got a body that more than makes up for it and I would most definitely love to breed with her.



As I mentioned in a previous post, big-breasted models in Japan enjoy a superstar status. Apparently, Japanese people are even more obsessed with big breasts than Americans are. She’s so popular that she is featured in a video game, has appeared on Japanese television numerous times, and has her own DVDs with really weird-sounding titles. Some things just don’t translate. For example, the titles of some of her DVDs include, “Go to Beach”, “Peach2 no Shizuku”, and “Pure Smile”.




Anyway, I’ve had a pretty weird sleeping schedule. My allergies were acting up again so I took a generic version of Benedryl. Fortunately, this took place on the weekend because it pretty much knocked me out for the next 18 hours. However, there was a break somewhere in between these 18 hours where I woke up for maybe 45 minutes. It’s a little bit hazy as to what I did during this time, but I do distinctly remember watching part of “Flavor of Love”. What’s annoying is the fact that I have the non-sleep-inducing allergy medication but I just don’t know where I put it.



By the way, shortly before I moved into my current apartment, I had to clean up my old place and get things in order. If you know me, you’ll know that I am a walking disaster area. Because I have OCD, I have a tendency to hord things and not put things away. So piles of things eventually add up over the years.



Anyway, when I cleaned my place up, I started discovering hidden treasures; things I never knew that I had but was happy to realize that I did. For example, I found a $100 dollar bill. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. If I were a betting man I would say that it was probably a Christmas or birthday present. I also found a bunch of “new” clothing that I never even tried on. They still even had the price tags on them. I’m not sure how long they were there but I would say that it could have been up to 8 months or more.